Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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