she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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