Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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