Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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