Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
