This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Randomize
