i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
