I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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