Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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