You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
