I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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