Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize