He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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