I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
