Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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