I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
