I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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