Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize