I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
