I need help removing her.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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