ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
