It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
