What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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