I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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