I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
