I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
