what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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