Do vagina's smell?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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