I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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