I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I have fence marks all over my body
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
