you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize