every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
