I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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