Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
