jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
