i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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