grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
