remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
