Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
