I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
