so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
you traded sex for a burrito?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
No subtext here. People are naked.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
