Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
