I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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