I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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