I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
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