My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
