I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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