If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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