if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
