WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
