no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
