His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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