You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
