well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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