I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
