There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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