dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
you will always have a special place in my vag
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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