I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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