now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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