So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
