i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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