but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
