do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
