oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Randomize
