I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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