Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
