I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
