God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
