Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
and you fell through a lawn chair
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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