Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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